Creeps and Cat Videos

My mom was and still is overprotective of me. I wasn’t allowed to watch scary movies, a movie that could potentially, maybe have a sex scene, have MSN, Facebook, or an email account until I was 16.

What my mom didn’t know, is that I watched movies that were “inappropriate” for me all the time at my dads house. (my parents divorced when I was younger.) But, because we had a family computer, I never networked online until I graduated high school.

I’ll never be able to reminisce about the cool language on MSN. When people ask me if I know what ASL means, I say American Sign Language – not age, sex, location.

My mom protected me from the evil Internet world because she was afraid of what was lurking in the unknown. She has no social media pages. When someone talks about social media, thank god she has no idea what they’re saying.

Here are a few things I don’t want my mom to know about social media:

  1. You can post ANY picture. I’ve posted a picture of my mom on her birthday that she wasn’t a fan of.Screen Shot 2016-03-31 at 2.16.35 PM
  2. My mom knows I’m gay, that I have a partner and that I have opinions. I don’t think she knows that’s basically all I talk about, post about, blog about and tweet about. If my mom knew that you could talk ANYTHING… Lord help us all.
  3. If my mom was on social media, she would want to be my friend. Maybe. I don’t want her to know that I have an option of saying “no” to her friend request, follow request or message request. She would probably stop bringing me homemade muffins.
  4. I think she would honestly have a heart attack if she knew you could Google my name and find most of my social media platforms. Social media, by no means, is private – even if you make accounts private.
  5. My dad is on social media. She might already know this. But the fact that he could potentially add her as a friend or see what she posts, would be enough for her to sell her computer.

The last thing I wouldn’t want my mom to know about social media is that some of the horror stories she’s told me, actually happen. People create fake accounts, befriend you, and get away with creepy things. People can even stalk you on social media. It can be scary using accounts that link back to who knows where.

The only thing I want my mom to know about social media is that you have access to BILLIONS of cat videos. Thanks YouTube.

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